(Quite) Final Impressions – Haiyore! Nyaruko-san

So I decided to go back and finish Nyaruko. Big mistake.

Just as a warning, this show left a horrible taste in my mouth, so this is gonna be more bitter and annoyed than anything I’ve ever posted. Happy stuff will come tomorrow or so, though. Oh, trying to work images into my posts so it’s not a huge wall of text but… I’ll admit, I can’t be arsed to go back and look for post-worthy screencaps of that series. Yeah, I’m pretty bitter. Sorry about that.

Where can I even start? I was genuinely excited about this show, despite the kind of dumb premise it had. It was Lovecraft. It was Cthulhu. Hell, it was Nyarlathotep-centric for crying out loud! I’m a sucker for that kind of thing. Then it came out and I watched the first episode or so, and it was good. It was clever, it was silly, it was legitimately enjoyable.

… Then they dropped the ‘lol aliens’ bomb on us. Okay, aliens are more marketable than eldritch horrors, I get it. You want your show to sell and be easy to digest since it’s not exactly thought-provoking or has any heavy subject matter. I could deal with it and get past the needlessly shoehorned anime references.

Then episode five (or six, I forget) hit. I should have stuck by my decision to drop it then since it didn’t do seriousness very well and, in all honesty, had no idea what kind of show it wanted to be. Out of the sake of completionism (or perhaps just self-loathing), I decided to pick it up again. I powered through the half-assed drama parts while playing League or Smite, just glancing over whenever something looked important or when they dropped a rare gag.

Then we got past that arc. Okay, back to the funny stuff, right? No. Not right. How about back to ‘Let’s decide to make Nyaruko even more obnoxious and Mahiro even more of a pissant spineless git.’ It’s like they realized the last mini-arc was kind of shit and they wanted to get as many jokes in the final few episodes as possible. A typical episode ended up going like this: They do something normal, Nyaruko screws up in some ‘hilarious’ way, Mahiro calls her out on it, she gets sad, Mahiro forgives her and she tries to fuck him. Cue credits. Repeat the same thing, only changing the details next episode. Also add in more out-of-place innuendo, such as Nyaruko implying herself to have been wanking while in Mahiro’s body. Okay sure. Why not, show. Whatever, I had two episodes left. This was good because my patience was running out.

Alright, now some new girl shows up with her spherical, not-out-of-place-in-a-Kirby-game butler. I have no idea why they introduced Ghutatan outside of feeling the need to have a little sister archetype thrown in at the last minute. And of course, we’ve hit the point of the harem storyline where the main character finally gets pissed off and throws everyone out. Also the obligatory “Let’s bathe with the little sister figure” scene. And then some nonsense happens and it goes back to being super dramatic. Cue credits.

Cue final episode. Oh shit, everyone’s missing and it’s only just now that I’ve realized that I love Nyaruko and Hastur and Kuuko or whatever her name was! Yeah that pretty much sums up the first half. Listen, romantic comedy protagonists: You all have a shitty taste in women. Nyaruko has tried to rape you at least once, is a constant pain in the ass, and makes you miserable. So what do you do? You realize you love her after she’s gone because she forced you to kiss her once. Good choice, you stupid git.

Oh, and it can’t be Nyaruko without forgetting what it wants to be, so we get a horror villain toward the end followed by a fight scene. It can be summed up as follows: “Oh I’ve gone evil because you won’t give me porn games!” “Oh this crowbar that we’ve had forever that is probably some kind of forced Half-Life reference?Oh man it turns into a giant magical sword!” Also the ending had a note from Ghutatan saying “I’ll come back.” Please don’t. Really, I’m begging you. We don’t need another season of this.

Alright, I’ve spent six-hundred words bitching (but it felt good!), so let’s talk about what was good about the series. … Well some of the gags were pretty clever and the art looked nice. I’m sad to say that’s about it. If anyone reads this and hasn’t watch Nyaruko yet, do yourself a favor and watch damn-near anything else. I honestly cannot think of a reason to recommend this to anyone. Maybe the first three episodes, but just pretend the rest doesn’t exist.

Anyway, that’s me complainin’ about stuff. Happier things will come on Monday and hopefully we’ll get the stealth/Xin Zhao rework patch soon so I can dedicate like half a week to writing new (and rewriting Xin’s) champion impressions. Anyhoo, as always thanks for reading (although why you’d read this post is beyond me, but hey) and have a good’un.

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